I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Terrible idea I love it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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