Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
