we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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