Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
