I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
