She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
