dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
