I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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