I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
