there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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