there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
