he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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