Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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