Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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