At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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