i would punch a child for taco bell
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
