If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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