Got a toothbrush?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
