Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
