That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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