I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
