Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last time i carry you out of a forest
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
