She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
