I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
