4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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