lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
