loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
