Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
