We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
