we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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