Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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