two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
