someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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