I'm gonna have a badass scar
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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