I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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