I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
