hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
