i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
