Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
