What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You work out of a Hotel?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
