I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
