i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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