this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
