Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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