Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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