He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
