3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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