She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
