If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
