i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
