he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
